Welcome to BoxOffice Trailer Throw Down! Where we round up the week’s finest trailers so you don’t get sucked down a YouTube rabbit hole.
Did you see last week’s Comic-Con Trailer Round Up and think to yourself, “But what else is out there?” Well, the BoxOffice Trailer Throw Down!, has your back, dear reader. Here are some of this week’s trailers that did not go through Comic-Con but are still, in fact, trailers. We got some true stories, some holiday films, unexpected Charlie Sheen, and we further unravel the mystery that is Brigsby Bear.
A WRINKLE IN TIME
All I see here is Captain Kirk discovering warp speed at the expense of all the trees. No one can tell me this isn’t a Star Trek movie.
THE DISASTER ARTIST
A movie about making the worst movie. It’s funny because it’s true.
A town of 1950’s white people is rocked by mob violence while we learn how to make flour out of pills.
Some kids are just waaaaaaaaaaaaay too trusting of sewer clowns.
Darren Aronofsky makes a trailer for a trailer for a movie so creepy he didn’t even capitalize the “M” in mother!
The final trailer for DETROIT gives us a healthy dose of soul music for a minute and then it becomes just as stressful as all the other DETROIT trailers. Very stressful.
Somehow this trailer includes Mark Hamil appreciating fake bees, a bear man that flies by his own power (and as a pilot), a red bucket headed dude fighting the bear man with light sticks, Andy Samberg wearing a discoball helmet, and is somehow less weird than the latest teaser trailer we posted for this title.
ENGLAND IS MINE
The Smith’s frontman gets a biopic chock full of shaggy haircuts and spectacles.
I thought it was going to be a live-action adaptation of this classic children’s book and animated feature. I was very startled to see I was mistaken.
I DO…UNTIL I DON’T
I’m not gonna lie, after watching this trailer I went to see if there was a TED talk about whether or not marriage is dead.
Did you click on this just to see if they were going to play the song in the trailer? You know you did.
THE SHAPE OF WATER
Champion of weird stuff, Guillermo Del Toro, brings us lines of eggs, floating chairs, and something that looks like Hellboy’s Abe Sapien in a totally different movie. Wait, why isn’t this an Abe Sapien movie? Is this an Abe Sapien movie?
ONLY THE BRAVE
It was previously called Granite Mountain Hotshots, which made us all expect a totally zany 1980’s ski movie with gratuitous sex scenes. Only The Brave makes way more sense. Also, fire bear.
A standard lightning-time-travel-deafness-kaleidoscope movie.
Charlie Sheen floating in a World Trade Center elevator on 9/11. Yes, you read that correctly.
Ben Stiller checks out a young man’s bod before going to Harvard and regretting his life.
This telling of the birth of Christ includes significantly more donkey belly rubs, dancing pigeons, and Tracy-Morgan-yelling-camels than any other Jesus story before it.
BOO 2! A MADEA HALLOWEEN
It seems that a single Boo! A Madea Halloween was not enough, and yet, we only got one Ernest Scared Stupid.
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